Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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