you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
