May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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