I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize