He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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