I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
