Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
