U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
