so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize