oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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