Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
