oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She swung at the pinata with crutches
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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