it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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