one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
