One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize