i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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