i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
