I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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