Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
