Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
