i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
