ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
