Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
