Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
