I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
