Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
