The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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