he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
