Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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