Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
