Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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