Swine flu is the new snow day.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
