sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
