3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
