Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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