i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
