Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize