Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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