maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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