Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
