picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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