the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
