She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize