A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
