Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
