Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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