do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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