I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
