i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
