im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
