her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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