I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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