At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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