Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
