Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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