period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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