how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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