You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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