If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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