Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
