On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
