So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
