never play flip cup with pint glasses
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
