the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
