the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
