Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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