My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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