She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
