I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
