I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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