he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
