Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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