we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did I show you my penis last night?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
