On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
