I think I am morally bankrupt
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
