i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Someone came in the potted fern
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Enjoy the penises
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize