he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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