I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
