just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize