Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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