that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
