his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
