you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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