can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
