I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
