how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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