1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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