just tell him i said nine months
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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