So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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