Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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