I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
