walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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