you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
