He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this boner is exhausting
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize