Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Success! We fucked roommates!
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