someone get that fucking seahorse.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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