im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
