If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize