no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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