i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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