i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
