1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
