Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
