i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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