in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
