And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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