You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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