So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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