I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
